Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
