dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
