Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
