She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
