Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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