Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
