I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
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