apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
