you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
