Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
