Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize