You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
You have to summon your inner elephant
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
