the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
