You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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