Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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