Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
