I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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