Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
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