dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
