I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
