How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
stop calling my apartment porn island.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
