I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
