Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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