shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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