Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
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