i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
