she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
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