I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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