My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
