I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
