tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
