my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
