Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
