If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
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