Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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