why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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