It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Randomize
