I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
