Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
