I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
They have beer where we have blood.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
