i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Randomize
