the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
