Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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