I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
We need a shit load of segways right now
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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