I think i sorta joined a cult last night
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Randomize
