It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Randomize
