god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
