If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Randomize
