he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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