Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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