Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
