She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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