end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
are you so shy because you have an std?
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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