So drunk, too bad you don't want this
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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