I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Randomize
