Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
