standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize