Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
