there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
