I smell stomach acid.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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