the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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