My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
