I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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