im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
