everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
