Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Randomize
