Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
