my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Randomize
