my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
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