There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Randomize
