I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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